IPL: The Scoop of the Century

On tuesday an interview of Lalith Modi was telecasted, where he was seen sprayin more saliva(while talking) than the damn rains!!...The Baadshah of IPL has reason to worry. For once the reason is not security, or weather or not even Mr. Disco Sreesanth crying for his mama in the middle of the pitch.No! Its a scandal involving a KKR player!

                

Allow me to introduce the Toast of IPL 2, the player of the tournament Mr. Fake IPL Player. Mr. Fake IPL Player is allegedly a Kolkata Knight Riders "fringe player" (self claimed) who is giving the general masses of India a great insight into the Luciferous Activities of Cricketeers, behind the scenes, on his blog www.fakeiplplayer.blogspot.com

This blog gives details on the fights, hangouts, parties and all the hapenning’s from everywhere but the cricketing field. One such Insighful episode is when Mr. Ravi Shastri ( christened "Kishen Kanaiyya"...read the blog for more) picks up a 30 year old "well endowed" white woman (Yes!! Foreign Figure!) in a pub at around 2 AM. Well I always knew Mr.Shastri had it in him to hit the "big deep spots shots". In the same pub Mr. Sreesanth (official cheerleader of the Kings XI team, due to his lack of talent injury. Thank god he refrains from dancing at the boundary lines in mini skirts!) is seen showing off his disco moves in vain, only to return back to the hotel room with just his "bat in his hands".

Let me tell you, this guy has great guts and wit. He has christened every player/person mentioned with great humour. For Eg: Sreesanth is called Appam Chuthiya...Now why dint i think of that!!.This blog greatly complements the onscreen action with amazing tales about the cricketing world...Once gain the blog link is www.fakeiplplayer.blogspot.com……….. Mind it!! Roar!!!

The Most Searched Strings on Google

I stumbled on this web site Google Zeitgeist which has the grand task of ranking all Google searches.

The rankings are categorised country wise, apparently the citizens of a country share similar searching traits ( i mean all indians are in the quest of the same things, namely Why havent Shahrukh and Karan Johar tied the marriage knot yet??)..Well putting aside King Khans GENT-le attractions, this website does offer great time-pass to all the junta who are 1. Bascially jobless(read me) 2. Jobless due to the global meltdown(read 'maybe you').

This is the top " How to" searches from India listed rank wise.

1. how to reduce weight
   
2. how to kiss
   
3. how to earn money
   
4. how to get pregnant
   
5. how to learn english
   
6. how to gain weight
   
7. how to play guitar
   
8. how to create a website
   
9. how to impress a girl
   
10. how to tie a tie
    

I have no issues with #1. How to lose weight, cuz when i last looked into the mirror i did fit the width, but now i do doubt that!!..The #2, #4, #9 positions do give us a great insight about the dilemma faced by the youth of the nation in their attempt to make India a superpower(I hope you agree as knowing to kiss etc is the need of the hour!!)...

I guess the #2 question on How to Kiss?? can be adressed by watching a couple of Imran Hashmi flicks, though to perfect a technique as refined as his does take a lot of time, effort and ofcourse a person of the opposite sex!!!...

The question #4 does make you wonder at the lack of "biology tutoring" rampant in Indian Schools(to the Pro Adult Education Groups - "you guys do seem to point at the right areas(no pun intended))..But my advice for getting pregnant is "Follow Tradition- The way you were born"..This has to satify Mr. Raj Thackerey due to the great emphasis laid on tradition...lol

Question #9 is the one for which I am searching for an answer...So for all the casanova's reading this post out there please do email with the details.

An Interlude with the Police: How our System Works

I generally invite trouble, have never known why. But its fun neways. 

This time I got into shit load of trouble with the law. Yes, you guessed right! The enforcers were involved.

Now, In India most people are intimidated by authority, including me untill this incident. 

This post has been drafted with the noble intention of enlightening you people (The Junta) that there is no big deal in well dealing with Walter Vetrivel's (cops). Now the story begins:-

Me and a couple of friends were travelling by car towards college, en route we met with an accident with a Pulsar bike near Ambattur. Sorry to sound cliched but it wasnt my goddamn mistake. The bike was totalled, but the biker had no injuries at all, well atleast physically. As you see, mentally he was nearly a wreck. Poor bloke. Being the sympathetic, good natured guy that I am, we stopped the car to check on the biker. Hell broke loose. A minor skirmish ensued and I was even threatened by local tobacco chewing auto guys(You know the kinda ppl who always talk with their tongues bent downwards, starting every line with addingu!!). Finally calm prevailed and the authorities turned up. Late as usual (sometimes tamil movies are right). We were then taken to the station where, the biker was served coffee as he had parted with Rs 200 as "official Charges". Now an FIR was lodged, according to which we were the culprits cuz of the only reason that we were driving the larger vehicle(Grr!!..i was pissed!). The authorities then pushed off to another Traffic Station in ponamalee. Here it was pompously declared that I would be arrested for being the "mad driver". Well I was stunned. Afterall an "arrest" in cinematic terms does sound heavy. The constable lost no time in informing me that my future is tarnished, Woe be me. For ppl who are cornered by authorities there is always one outlet VITAMIN M (read as money). I whipped out a 500 Rs note and waved it in front of them. Well guess what? I was offered a seat under the fan and the next minute the constablke is talkin to me as if we are bigtime buddies!!. A formal arrest form was signed for the heck of it and my dear buddy (Mr. Anush Sridharan) signed as my bail bondsman. 15 mins later we are out!.. The next step is to go to the RTO and get the car released. Another 200 rupees and an hour later we are free birds home bound. Dont you just love India.

The last note that the constable tells me with grand authority is " You will be called to the court in 6 weeks time for completion of the rash driving case"...

Well the court thing is another story altogether. Keep waitin!